Thursday, November 05, 2009

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Some people take things way too personal and you know what... it amuses me. Granted it's not as thrilling as getting away with murder but thoroughly enjoyable nonetheless. Variety is the spice of life. Trolling unique and often times, maligned half-witted opposition brings a smile to my face. To make matters even more comical, usually those being trolled mistake determination for care. As if I give a shit about their dreary lives. Lets face it, nonsensical bullshit is entertaining. It's why people watch daytime television, even when it's devoid of any kind of point... much like the arguments they try to make.

You would think they could muster up an infintesimal amount of brain cells to just shut up and move on with their lives instead of feeding a troll, but the impulse of having the last word is a far too compelling human nature to ignore. Retaliation to provocation; we all succumb to that urge to respond.

Here's something I never understood; why people use a public forum for a private response. If you're addressing someone and you do not want others to chime in - logically you would message them in private. If your quarry goes to ground; leave no ground to go to. Like Captain Ahab spending years hunting the great white whale in Moby-Dick; the quest for vengeance can cripple you. I guess he [like some people] just didn't know when to quit.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

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I can sum up the entire Bodybuilding.com forum in a single picture...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

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Marriage as defined by modern Japanese Men

Gentlemen seeking wives, there is nothing so foolish as marriage.

Women in their twenties and thirties today are desperately trying to solve their ‘how can I find a man to leech off of?’ problem.

If you marry, in an instant you will be condemned to 30 years of forced labour. It doesn’t matter how much effort you put in or how much you make, you’ll end up with a few dollars a day for yourself.

If you ever want to buy anything, you’ll have to seek permission with bowed head from your wife.

And they’ll just reject your requests anyway.

What’s left will go on the woman and the kid without so much as a word of thanks.

That’s the reality of marriage.

Rice:

Then: Took 1 hour three times a day using a pot

Now: Press a switch on a rice cooker

Washing:

Then: It all had to be done by hand with a tub and a washboard

Now: Press a switch on a washing machine

Bathing:

Then: Had to start and tend a fire to heat the water

Now: Press a switch on a heater

Cooking:

Then: Everything had to be cooked by hand

Now: You can get as much as you want of anything at a supermarket

Household chores are very light work now. With convenience stores and the Internet you have even less need of a woman.

Marriage and a wife used to be ‘necessities’ to a man. Now they are nothing more than ‘life’s bad debt.’

Men! There’s no reason whatsoever left to put up with the selfish demands of these women and their insistence on marriage!”

Japanese women are finding it increasingly more difficult to find men to marry. This current generation might see as many as 25% of females remaining single.

Friday, October 16, 2009

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I know everyone loves pictures so I'll go the Hao going the Yosho route and post a pic of a girl.

If you're not going to be creative, you might as well do it with style... (or was that do it with a smile?)

Monday, September 28, 2009

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Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

Funny article from The Onion written back in 04' essentially predicting what Gillette would eventually release as a response to its competitor. (original article source here)

By James M. Kilts
CEO and President,
The Gillette Company
February 18, 2004 | Issue 40•07

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades.

Sure, we could go to four blades next, like the competition. That seems like the logical thing to do. After all, three worked out pretty well, and four is the next number after three. So let's play it safe. Let's make a thicker aloe strip and call it the Mach3SuperTurbo. Why innovate when we can follow? Oh, I know why: Because we're a business, that's why!

You think it's crazy? It is crazy. But I don't give a shit. From now on, we're the ones who have the edge in the multi-blade game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Gillette is the best a man can get.

What part of this don't you understand? If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende? We didn't claw our way to the top of the razor game by clinging to the two-blade industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, five blades is the biggest chance of all.

Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it. They don't tell me what to invent—I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more blades in there. I don't care how. Make the blades so thin they're invisible. Put some on the handle. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

You're taking the "safety" part of "safety razor" too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let's hit it. Let's roll. This is our chance to make razor history. Let's dream big. All you have to do is say that five blades can happen, and it will happen. If you aren't on board, then fuck you. And if you're on the board, then fuck you and your father. Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of "this is how we shave now" A.

People said we couldn't go to three. It'll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "Five's crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at Norelco, working on fucking electrics. Rotary blades, my white ass!

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we should just ride in Bic's wake and make pens. Ha! Not on your fucking life! The day I shadow a penny-ante outfit like Bic is the day I leave the razor game for good, and that won't happen until the day I die!

The market? Listen, we make the market. All we have to do is put her out there with a little jingle. It's as easy as, "Hey, shaving with anything less than five blades is like scraping your beard off with a dull hatchet." Or "You'll be so smooth, I could snort lines off of your chin." Try "Your neck is going to be so friggin' soft, someone's gonna walk up and tie a goddamn Cub Scout kerchief under it."

I know what you're thinking now: What'll people say? Mew mew mew. Oh, no, what will people say?! Grow the fuck up. When you're on top, people talk. That's the price you pay for being on top. Which Gillette is, always has been, and forever shall be, Amen, five blades, sweet Jesus in heaven.

Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama's about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Put another aloe strip on that fucker, too. That's right. Five blades, two strips, and make the second one lather. You heard me—the second strip lathers. It's a whole new way to think about shaving. Don't question it. Don't say a word. Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we're on the edge—the razor's edge—and I feel like dancing.