September 11, 2007

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  This won’t happen to me… unless my spotter is standing like he’s on a friggin’ break too.

  I don’t have any anti-september 11th satire, so just pretend I did and laugh. Thanks.

  Initially I had this brilliant rambling, ergh… rant, I was planning to put up. Which I would have, if I wasn’t cackling maniacally as I was typing and blindly hitting that little “x” button in the top right hand corner to close windows. Oh well, they can’t all be winners now… can they.

  

  Because taking a shot at God is always both fun and easy…

  Earth Deemed Unsafe; God Sued For Negligence

  EUGENE, Oreg. (CAP) – The Environmental Law Alliance Worldwide has filed a lawsuit in federal court against the Creator of all humanity, claiming gross negligence following the collapse of a mine in Huntington, Utah that trapped six miners some 1,500 feet below ground and killed three rescue workers.

  “It is our stance that as a direct result of the actions of God, certain areas of Earth are unsafe and have led directly or indirectly to the deaths of human beings,” said ELAW spokesman Trent Xavier. “We will not be satisfied until there is a conviction in this case.”

  The 36-page lawsuit alleges that the epoxy used by God to manufacture much of the ground that comprises the Earth falls short of federal guidelines for safety and the locations should be shut down until appropriate repairs can be made. The lawsuit draws on a two-year study that concluded the epoxy is nothing more than a combination of water and dirt.

  “Is this how we ensure the safety of our families and our children, with dried mud?” asked environmental activist Robert Forestal. “To say this is piss-poor design is an insult to urination. What’s next, Title VIII housing in sand castles?”

  ELAW, working with US Attorney Karin J. Immergut, is seeking up to $500 million in exchange for releasing God from criminal culpability and civil liability for past defects, including cracks in the ground, leaks in tunnels, and uneven surfaces beneath bridges.

  “We understand the design is fairly old,” said Xavier. “But as engineer and chief architect, it is God’s job to make a clear distinction between the relative capability of his standard and economy formulations. He has failed to do that.”

  Lawyers for God have thus far refused comment. However, they have already filed a motion for change of venue to have the case heard in Kingdom Come. A judge has not yet ruled on the motion.

  
  Satoko Shinashi – Female MMA fighter.

  
  Defend yourself from muggers who want crack! (i lol’d)

  • 12:09 am
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