I’m so tired. Celtics pre-season off to a bumpy start… nothing going on -_-’
The Forbes Fictional Fifteen Richest People
09.13.02
1. Claus, Santa
Age: 1,600 years plus
Source: Toys
Net Worth: $∞
Hometown: New York City; North Pole
Marital Status: Married, no children
Born in the fourth century as Nicholas of Myra in Anatolia, now southwestern Turkey. According to legend, gave away bulk of his inheritance to provide dowries for three beautiful–but impoverished–maiden sisters. Famously threw gold through girls’ chimney where it landed in their stockings drying by fire. Later Roman Catholic saint. Relics stolen by Italian merchants 12th century; bones now in Bari, southern Italy. Moved to U.S. by way of Holland; settled in New Amsterdam, later New York City. Changed name to Santa Claus, gained weight, grew beard. Toy manufacturing operations at North Pole yielding apparently unlimited wealth. Spends every Christmas Eve trying fruitlessly to give away fortune to little children. Keeping up with the times: Compressive of naughty and nice boys and girls now available on the Web. Passionate interest in artic wildlife: Large reindeer preserve includes rare flying and red-nosed specimens. Member since time immemorial.
2. Rich, Richie
Age: 13
Source: Inheritance, conglomerates
Net Worth: $24.7 billion
Hometown: Richville
Marital Status: Single
Known as “the richest boy in the world,” Rich learned ropes at Rich Industries from father Richard. While most men of means devote lives to accumulating and protecting wealth, Rich wants to be known for sharing fortune with friends, loyal employees and robot maid Irona. Recently began construction on gold-plated community baseball stadium using diamond-studded balls and replacing bleachers with Barcaloungers. Member since 1953.
3. Warbucks, Oliver “Daddy”
Age: 52
Source: Defense Industries
Net Worth: $10 Billion
Hometown: New York
Marital Status: Divorced, 1 child
Orphaned at age 11 when mother died of typhoid fever. Fiercely competitive, patriotic and philanthropic. Made first million by 21. Patented Lazarus process for pumping oil from seemingly dry wells that helped save America from 1970s energy crisis. Shortly thereafter, adopted daughter Annie kidnapped by Sheik Bahd-Simel. Shot and nearly killed during privately financed rescue. Recently took defense contractor Warbucks Worldwide on strange diversification ride with unprecedented string of acquisitions. New interests include magazine publishing, computer software, airlines, diamond mining, distilling, TV and feature film production, tacos, plastics and cat food. Eyebrows raised after corporate headquarters moved to Mexican state of Quintana Roo. Publicity men dismiss as bizarre persistent rumors that company is being run by a body double while the real “Daddy” hunts terrorists in the Central Asian country of Ratznestistan. Member since 1924.
4. McDuck, Scrooge
Age: 80
Source: Mining
Net Worth: $8.2 Billion
Hometown: Duckberg
Marital Status: Single
Planet’s richest waterfowl amassed one of the world’s largest collections of gold coins and paper currency, kept in giant money bin atop hill in native Duckburg. Enjoys swimming in money. Moved to American West from native Scotland, amassing fortune from gold and copper mines. No longer invests–keeps everything in cash. Never gives to charity; never married. Lives in mansion with three great-nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie. Member since 1947.
5. Howell, Thurston III
Age: 60
Source: Howell Industries
Net Worth: $8 Billion
Hometown: Pacific Island
Marital Status: Married, no children
Eccentric Harvard grad fled U.S. on eve of indictment on accounting fraud charges. Rumored to be living on private island in Pacific with wife Lovey and skeletal staff of trusted associates. Known for his bare-knuckled boardroom style, despite socialite manners. Once said that anyone believing a businessman should refuse to resort to thievery is simply “naïve.” Congressmen and prosecutors looking to drag him home to ask him what he meant. Member since 1964
6. Wonka, Willie
Age: 63
Source: Candy
Net Worth: $8 Billion
Hometown: Kent, England
Marital Status: Single
Reclusive chocolate factory owner is known for delicious products and brash promotions. Once inserted golden tickets in chocolate bars, the holders of which were promised factory tours. Result? Torrential craze for chocolates. Chronic labor problems led him to hire scab Oompa Loompa workers. Move touched off protests by British trade unions, but Oompa Loompas remain staunchly loyal to Wonka. Wonka’s age and lack of heir touched off concerns about succession. Known for dislike of the press. Demands that “all questions must be submitted in writing”–and still refuses to answer. The mystery has led to fascination about the man: “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” Member since 1964.
7. Wayne, Bruce
Age: 38
Source: Inheritance; Software
Net Worth: $6.3 Billion
Hometown: Gotham City
Marital Status: Single
Prominent playboy had tough year. Charged with murdering old-flame Vesper Fairchild. Exonerated partly through efforts of mysterious Batman and other costumed crime fighters. Shares of Wayne Enterprises, where he is chairman, languish based on lower-than-expected profits and Gotham City’s sky-high crime rate. Orphaned during street mugging at age eight, went on to build then-tiny Wayne Enterprises into technology powerhouse. Rumors swirl over habit of keeping teenage boys as wards. Donates tens of millions each year to charities for police, paraplegics and orphans. Member since 1939.
8. Luthor, Lex
Age: 40
Source: Technology
Net Worth: $4.7 Billion
Hometown: Metropolis
Marital Status: Single
Forced to place holdings in LexCorp in blind trust after being elected president of the United States in 2000. Also in trust: Significant real estate holdings and investment portfolio. Before election, Lex perhaps best known for railing in public against Superman and other super-powered beings, which he believes cause normal human beings to become less self-reliant. Grew up in slums, but went on to make first fortune from peddling flying cars, rocket jetpacks and weapons to the military. Conglomerate includes pharmaceutical, biotechnology and investment bank arms. Took over company two decades ago and named after self. Prominent supporter of medical charities. Member since 1940.
9. Ewing, J.R.
Age: 48
Source: Oil
Net Worth: $2.8 Billion
Hometown: Dallas, Texas
Marital Status: Married
Ruthless and proud of it. Fought bitter internecine battles with brother Bobby and wife Sue Ellen in order to remain at helm of Ewing Oil, company built by father Jock. Most recent victory: successfully evading federal regulators investigating him for manipulating price of crude. Socializes with group dubbed ‘The Cartel.’ Failed 1980 assassination attempt dominated headlines worldwide. Unrest in Middle East threatens some overseas interests, but war likely to boost price of oil–and net worth. Bigger problem: Ongoing federal investigation into whether Ewing Oil used off-the books partnerships to boost profits and hide debt. Ewing sanguine: “The world is littered with the bodies of people that tried to stick it to ol’ J.R.” Member since 1977.
10. Goldfinger, Auric
Age: 51
Source: Gold, Commodities Training
Net Worth: $1.2 Billion
Hometown: Miami, Fla.
Marital Status: Single
Built fortune trading commodities with special talent for dealing in gold bullion. “Gold is in my name, and it’s my passion. I love it more ways than I can count.” Recently expanded into low-tech U.S. investments, buying and renovating Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises and aging Miami Beach hotels. Secretive and rarely seen, rumored to spend much time in native Planitz, Germany, closely guarded by manservant Oddjob. Passion for gambling in all forms, from gin rummy to golf to horse racing. Hates to lose; rarely does. Member since 1964.
11. Burns, C. Montgomery
Age: 104
Source: Energy
Net Worth: $1 Billion
Hometown: Springfield, U.S.A.
Marital Status: Single
Turned adopted father’s atom-splitting factory into regional power monopoly. Ability to wring profit from nuclear power widely envied within industry. Longtime dogged by charges of cutting corners on environment, worker safety. Remains unbowed. “If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it’s your duty as an American to do it.” Bid for governor foiled after environmentalists claimed plant was mutating local wildlife. “What good is money if you can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?” Prizes wardrobe of animal pelts, though greyhound fur tuxedo eluded him. Considers doughnuts “ethnic food.” Member since 1989.
12. Kane, Charles Foster
Age: 62
Source: Media
Net Worth: $1 Billion
Hometown: Xanadu, Calif.
Marital Status: Twice divorced
Yellow journalism kingpin saw empire greatly reduced from peak. Gone: 11 newspapers, three ocean liners, New York City apartment buildings, radio network. Still controls 26 local papers, including flagship New York Inquirer. Also substantial interest in Colorado Lode Mine, planet’s third-richest gold vein. Difficult year personally: Second wife, tone deaf opera singer Susan Kane, filed for divorce, moved to Florida. Now virtual recluse in coastal California pleasure dome dubbed Xanadu. Close associates said to be worried about mental state. Rumored to spend hours staring into snow globe toy muttering “Rosebud.” Member since 1941
13. De Vil, Cruella
Age: 65
Source: Inheritance
Net Worth: $875 Million
Hometown: London
Marital Status: Single
London anti-socialite prefers solitude of Suffolk estate Hell Hall. Penchant for fur coats, cigarettes and dragster coupes. Maintains belief that money can buy anything–and often does. Critics say she “ought to be locked up and never released,” but loyal associates disagree. Recent plan for crafting coat made from fur of 99 Dalmatian puppies foiled by PETA activists. Continues to live extravagantly. Not known for charitable activity; recent application to serve on London SPCA’s board of directors denied after Dalmatian scheme unearthed. Member since 1961.
14. Gekko, Gordon
Age: 44
Source: Investments
Net Worth: $650 Million
Hometown: New York City
Marital Status: Married, 1 child
Traded his way to fortune by pioneering risk arbitrage. Remains one of Wall Streets most feared traders. Increased fortune when he married wife Kate, daughter of billionaire hotelier Frederick Wisher. Now moving New York real estate, buying and selling with same mania that characterized actions in mergers and acquisitions. Multiple SEC investigations failed to unearth wrongdoing. Unabashed proponent of wealth and capitalism, “Greed is good. Greed works.” Adheres to punishing schedule, even by investment banking standards, reviewing 100 deals a day. “Lunch is for wimps.” As for his horrid reputation: “If you need a friend, get a dog.” Member since 1987.
15. Gatsby, Jay
Age: 23
Source: Racketeering
Net Worth: $600 Million
Hometown: West Egg, N.Y.
Marital Status: Single
Born James Gatz in North Dakota, built mysterious fortune through association with gamblers and bootleggers. Modern day Trimalchio, enjoys entertaining neighbors at Long Island estate modeled after Normandy’s Hotel de Ville. Measures extravagance with crates of oranges and lemons. One colleague says Jay “would never so much look at a friend’s wife.” Some have proof otherwise. With no legitimate business, critics say life of leisure will be the death of him. Learned the value of a dollar from silver baron Dan Cody. Served briefly in World War I. Adhered as teenager to rigorous daily schedule of study and sport. An avid sailor. Member since 1925.
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Other/misc.
- This weather is messing up my internet connection, the strange thing is I can’t even access my router… and that doesn’t even make sense o_0
- I don’t care if you think I’m an ass… you think I give a fuck what you think!
- My older sibling is fucking lucky he’s related to me, and even though he made me into a liar, I still haven’t drop kicked him onto the curb.
- I heard from my mom my younger sibling is going to make an attempt to make ammends with me. It’s been one year and almost three months since I’ve spoken with him.
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